Stock Certificate of the Month

Every stock has a story, and its physical stock certificate is a unique part of it. As more and more companies are opting for electronic registration of shares only, Adam has been on a quest to collect as many companies physical stock certificates as he can. Each month we look to highlight a different certificate as these former vital pieces of paper for trading become obsolete.

Our thoughts:

First, the design. Equifax went with what I'd call "1913 robber baron chic," which tracks, because the corporate seal on this thing literally says 1913. Nothing says "trust us with your most sensitive financial data" quite like branding that predates the Federal Reserve. The engraving features a gentleman in Greek robes perched atop a globe, presumably surveying all the personal information he's about to leave on an unsecured server.
The border work is aggressive — a kind of pinkish-red that screams "this document is either very important or a Victorian-era valentine." There are no fewer than four decorative rosettes in the corners, because if you're going to monetize the credit histories of 800 million consumers worldwide, you might as well do it with flair.

The certificate proudly declares these are "FULLY PAID AND NON-ASSESSABLE SHARES," which is a fancy way of saying you can't lose more money than you already spent. Comforting words from a company whose 2017 data breach exposed the personal information of 147 million Americans. For context, that's roughly the population of Russia. Equifax essentially doxxed a superpower's worth of people and then offered free credit monitoring as an apology — from themselves.

The certificate is signed by both the Chairman and CEO and the Corporate Secretary, whose signatures carry the unmistakable energy of people who have signed thousands of these and are no longer fully present for the experience. Fair enough. If my company had paid $700 million in breach settlements and the stock still went up afterward, I'd probably be mailing it in too.

Final Rating: Certificate Design: 6/10 — loses points for looking like it was printed at the same facility that produces Cheesecake Factory menus.

At the end of the day there's a poetic justice in holding a single share of the company that holds your entire financial life in its hands. It doesn't shift the power dynamic. But it does let you attend the annual shareholder meeting, where you can look the board in the eye and ask, "So, have we updated the passwords?"

*The views expressed here are satirical and do not constitute investment advice. BXM Wealth LLC is an SEC-registered investment advisor. We manage portfolios with considerably more rigor than this review might suggest. But we did frame the certificate.